Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She bit a glass in half.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
