Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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