I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
