btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
