This girl is more easily done than said...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize