Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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