Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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