Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
