I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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