Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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