Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
