The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
