he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
