you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
