So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
MIDGETS
????
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
