I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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