i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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