found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
