I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Boobs speak an international language.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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