Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
