Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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