Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
