I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've blown a few things in my day
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
