I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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