mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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