I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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