Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
