Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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