last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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