I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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