in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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