By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
