honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
