I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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