So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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