you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
