i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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