allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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