He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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