I smell stomach acid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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