Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
