doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
