you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
