Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize