Pants 0. Shit 1.
please come you make the beer taste better
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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