Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
