Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize