I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My vagina is officially offended.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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