How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
