He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
