No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
