Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize