20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
