idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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