she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
