She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
