Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my poor anus
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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