it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
