are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
