Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this just has baby written all over it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
