I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
