You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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