Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think my moral compass just broke
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
