I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
