For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
