On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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