First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Found your dick twin last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
