Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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