i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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