I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
