I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
