I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
