If i come over, it means nothing
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
