So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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