I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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